The Dictionary... Because It's Got All The Other Books In It!!!

or

The Dictionary -- My Ambivalent Mistress


It can only be said thusly:

My dictionary & I have what can ONLY be called a LOVE/HATE relationship...

In that I must constantly look up words...

More often than not, NOT NEW WORDS!!!

Words, sadly, I know that I KNOW...

It's the god dammed definition that ESCAPES ME!!!

Ever so innocently, whether it be an old or new word,

I venture into the abyss, sometimes, never to be seen again!!!

Here is where the LOVE/HATE painfully/blissfully reveals itself!!!

As I, with occasional luck,

Leap to 'index' myself toward this word in question,

the book opens...

Then "IT" Happens!!!

Invariably a new (or old long forgotten one!!!) word,

Not The Word I'm Look'n For,

POPS UP!!!

At this point is where I invariable exclaim, "SHIT," as my oh so Naive Gray

Mattter compels my upper extremities to halt the task at hand!!!

I stop & find & read the screaming new or old word

(That "Screams" at me that it won't wait!!!)

That just won't let me go until I have exhausted all it's attributes!!!

The definition I HATE THE MOST always begins with "Variant Of..." & then

goes on to show you the "variant of" spelling (usually just a letter or two different, mind

you &, more often than not, when the first letter is a vowel... well... hmm...

I GIRD MY LOINS & SAY, "That means I gotta' go to a WHOLE NEW SECTION!!!

"AAARRRGGGHHH!!!"

Do I go to the section???

Of Fuck'n Course, DAMN, THE DICTIONARY DID ME AGAIN!!!

And Then There Are THOSE Times Werein I See Yet Another & Another & Another...

Til' Some, Most Embarrassing, Times Werein I COMPLETELY Forget...

THE ORIGINAL WORD(s) I WANTED!!!

Haaarrrumph!!!

   

030211 H.H., Vice-Cardinal Stephen James Crothers Esq. III D.D.S