My Opine(s)/Review of

"Jackass - The Movie"

It wuz gross & perverted;
It wuz obsessed & derranged!
It has existed for years,
But very little has changed...
For,
It's the tool of government & industry too;
For 'it' wuz' destined to rule & regulate you!!!

You will obey 'it' while 'it' leads you;
With the garbage 'tha-Tit' feeds you,
Until the day 'tha-Tit' don't need you,
Don't go for help,
No one will heed you!!!

My mind wuz' totally controlled;
It had been stuffed into their mold,
& I did do-do what I wuz' told,
Until the Rights to me were sold!!!

"That's Right Folks Don't Touch That Dial!!!"

I am the slime on yer' video,
Oooze'n along on yer' live'n room Flo'!
I am the slime on yer' video,
Can't stop the slime,
People,
Look at me go!!!

With Apple-Lolly-Wodgies Too:

- The Late GREAT Frank Zappa - "Overnight Sensation"
  Song - "I Am The Slime On Yer' Video" Circa. 1973/74???

The following is a MOO-VEE review by:
H.H.,Vice-Cardinal Stephen James Crothers Esq. III D.D.S

Jackass The Moo-Vee has just passed by my 5 senses,
litterally!!! So let's begin a the beginning & do sump'n I've
always wished I had the talent for...

I've always wanted to "Coin" a phrase & now I actually
have one to coin, as it were, so here goes:

To Coin A Phrase For The Penultimate Of So-Called
"Reality Television" which panders to all of the Bottom
Feeders out there (present company included!!!), I re-
fer to what I have just witnessed as "Stink Bait" TV &
Video i.e. "Movies & Television Shows" aired to (to steal a
Rumsfeld term) shock & awe the "Trailer Trash" in all of us!!!
However, Knoxville, MTV & Company must take their hats
off to the original purveyors the idiotic & societal filfth thereof:

- Phil Donahue
- Oprah Winfrey*
- Jerry Springer
- And The Like...**

* Take yer' "book-o'-da'-month club" & shuv' it up yer' BIG BUTT,
Mizz Harpo!!! We all should  remember watching yer' earlee
daze in daytime "Stink Bait" Talk Televisionese' as it were...

Your "scattaway" from it after a few years does not REDEEM
YOU, because yer' "scat" trail 'am' still fresh & stinks to high he-
aven & you know it!!!

** Sally Jesse, Jiraldo, Povich, Jones bare no annotation nor cre-
dibility as they are but the slinky'st of bottom feeders of all bot-
tom feeders, as they can & do only survive by sucking up the
slime that all the other bottom feeders have digested, removed
(if any) nutrients thereof & egressed out the ASS, 'ass' it were!!!

And Mr. Zappa pegged it, as only the true prophet duz', long be-
fore the first "Donahue Show" was even a "gleem in it's daddy's
eyes!!!"

But I Digress Not...

As the late GREAT Aldus Huxley once said, "We all live in the
gutter, but some of us look to the stars!!!"

I would like to unreserve my comment on the question of:

But Why, On God's Green Earth, are we drawn, like moths to a flame,
to watching absolute & abject acts of innane HUMAN STUPITY???

You don't really think I don't have an answer for this phenomenum,
do you??? Because if you did, you would be wrong!!!

Here Goes Nut'n:

It made me laugh alot & I almost lost control of all my lower bodily functions!!!

Further, I have only one, VERY SERIOUS THING to say to Johnee Knoxville
& Company:

"Lose the Wild Animals i.e. the Giraffe/Alligators/Whale Sharks!!!"
I ain't no PETA, nor animal rights jerkwad, but, that was the only truely
distasteful thing I found most OBJECTIONAL in this, this MILIUEX!!!
If you MTV punks have any balls & wanna' hang chum from'em, by
golly, go for the Holy Grail; Go For The Great White!!! Or, at the very
least, a Mako or Tiger Shark, goddammit; not a toothless leviathan that,
that is completely defenseless when confronted with Human Pond Scum!!!

Ok, I know that was a bit harsh, Johnee, so, go ahead & leave one animal
featured in the movie to the sequel i.e. another shot of the Baby Alligator,
but, instead of it bite'n yer' TIT, next time, let it bite your Cojones, Nut
Sack or, at the very least, your Teenee('er) Weenee*!!!

* Only this crew's brain matter has less mass than that thingee,
   Johnee, As It Fn Were!!!

11052003 H.H., Vice-Cardinal Stephen James Crothers Esq. III D.D.S.